The Legend of Zelda: Lincoln's Quest
by HadrasVorshoth
Summary: In the future of Hyrule, Hylians pretty much dominate the planet Hylius. Ganondorf is back, in a new disguise, however... He seems pretty mundane this time. Does the world need a hero any more? Especially if that hero is... a geek?


_Everyone knows the story of Link by now. At least... The story of the first Link. The others tend to be ignored a little bit, as the first one has the most documented history. Not to mention the fact that one started a parallel universe where events occured slightly differently._

_Also, take into account the fact that the two universes crossover at tiny, almost inconsequencial moments, where people can travel from one into another. Sortof like two balls of water in space. Every now and then, the tidal forces of one ball means that the two balls connect for a brief moment. Bits of water, maybe some life forms... They pass through._

_With these unverses, one 'ball of water' is the more childish, cartoon universe. In that one, the world is generally actually quite cheerful. Ganon is little more than another 'boss' for Link to fight. In the other, it's darker, gorier and otherwise pretty damn scary. The two universes were once actually the same universe, in the slightly real, but pretty goofy at the same time universe that lead to our own universe's game the Ocarina of Time._

_If you beat the game, with everything completed with Link as an adult, then the universe is now safe. However, Link now has an adult body without the memories required for that body to be used effectively. That likelyhood leads to the cartoony universes, because Link's later decisions after the game is over causes a lot of damage and changes the fabric of reality itself. It's... complicated. However, interestingly enough, Hyrule as we know it [as a planet, not the kingdom tiself. Also complicated] changes in terms of technology. Steam ships and trains have recently been seen in that universe._

_In the other universe, Link reverted back into his child-state, which his mind was ready for. He grew up naturally, had children with Zelda (and others, the womanising son of a scrub he was), and eventually died. Many years later, another Link appeared when Ganon resurrected himself. And so on. _

Eventually though... Ganon was going to come back, and his plans were going to come to fruition.

However, as time went on, he was pushed bck again and again and again.

But by the time that Hyrule in that universe was by our own universe's level of technology (cars, aeroplanes, etcetera), Ganon had a new plan. To take over the world... But using the modern methods. Without having to even kill anyone. Without even needing to use magic.

And so, in that universe, a resurrected Ganondorf rose again, through a bit of magic linked to destiny and whatnot. He had a human form, although he always had the slight magical pull towards his boar-form, which he resisted as much as he could, only unleashing it occasionally when alone to alleviate the magical pressures. He used the name Agahim, in a burst of ironic repetition of a previous disguise of his after his resurrection. And he became a very succesful businessman. It was called TridentCo, which was a big multinational umbrella corporation, which pretty much did everything from weapons for military all over the world, to charity work in poorer countries, all the way to selling cheese. It eventually pretty much catered for all species on the planet...

And then the Great War began.

Before that point, Ganondorf had actually been generally nicer to all the races of Hyrule in this resurrection. The Gorons had seen a boom in prosperity, as their aptitude for explosive devices and difficult terrain exploration lead to their discovery of the Mana Stone. Effectively, it was a stone which radiated pure energy, which could be utilised to create a large explosion, enough to make areas inhabitable for generations.

In our world, the closest parallel is the nuclear bomb, however, the Mana Bomb tended to keep people alive. Slightly TOO alive, perhaps. Alive so much that they cannot die, and they are ALWAYS FEELING INCREASING AMOUNTS OF PAIN which never dulls.

... ahem.

Of course, the Goron prosperity only existed so long as they did not detonate another Mana Bomb, unlike the one they activated by accident in the plains of the area which once upon a time was Darunia, a place that was ravaged by the old Ganondorf back in the day.

The Zoran race actually retreated from the public consciousness of the surface dwelling people, remaining a myth to many. They are still the only race to have a monarchy still, and only come from their watery homes occasionally, and for short periods.

The Kokiri, the race of which the first Link was raised by, had long since died out. They had long ago evolved into a mysterious race known as the Koroki, or transformed into various primates with stronger than usual intelligence. The Koroki were a race of half-plant, half human creatures, although they appear more plant in this age. They kept in the Great Forest, the biggest area of trees known to Hyrule. They cultivated the land there, and ensured that the forest thrived. Those who walk into the Great Forest always end up fleeing the place, and lose all memory of their experience there, but recall feeling terror unlike any other. Likewise, Koroki cannot leave the Great Forest, otherwise the years of semi-immortality would catch up to them, and they would die. Thus, little communication with the seculusive race was ever made, and they too, were pretty much myth.

And in this world, a world where the Hylians and the Gorons are more or less ruling the Earth with their might, a child was born.

His name was Lincoln. And he was born in Onkled city, which is where we now shall travel... Oh, wait. This is a story, right? Not a video game or cartoon? Dammit. I had this great 'swoop down onto the planet Hyrule and zoom in on a building, where Link is asleep having a nightmare' thing going on, but then the fact that this is a written tale of Link made the whole thing go tits up.

You know what? Stuff this. I'm not even getting paid to write this. ... Okay, okay... I'll write. Damn you Deku Tree. Why can't you get another fairy to write your damn history of the current Link?

Oh. Bugger. Cat's out of the bag now, right? Well... Yeah. I'll explain then.

My name is Navilonis. I am a reincarnation of the fairy that accompanied the Hero known as Link in his first incarnation. Navi. And, yes, I do realise that in your universe, the version of me in the game which chronicles that incarnation of myself focuses primarily on my most often uttered things to Link.

"Hey! Listen!" Damn kid wouldn't listen to me- You do NOT dive head first down a sentient tree into its bowels, no matter how ill it is. Of course, he survived, ultimately killing that incarnation of the Deku Tree though.

"Watch Out!" He kept on leaving his shield on his back when fighting! He was such a tit. Barely used the damn thing except against Dodongo and Deku Scrubs.

... I'm so glad I was only under a short geas off Deku Tree to look after the snotty little bugger. After his destiny was fufilled, I buggered off. I felt a strong surge of magic, as the universe split into two, and Link left this dimension in the other, looking for me, and in this one, he didn't bother, ultimately dying, with his wife, Zelda having loads and loads of kids. Not to mention all the kids he had with that farmer chick, Malon or something, of whom Zelda seemed to never know about... If I could turn back time, I'd tell her. It'd be nice to see Link get SOME consequences to his actions. But now he's dead, boohoo, now let's get with the story.

... I'm going have to do this from my perspective, aren't I? ... Good. Easier, although it means you won't know as much stuff in advance from this point onwards.

"Navilonis... You must go forth and search for this version of Link."

"WHAT? He's dead! ... Please tell me you didn't reincarnate me just for that fucker."

"... I prefered you when you were female. And polite."

"Times change, buster. I felt what happened when Link's destiny was up, what happened?"

"Hyrule... split. I cannot explain it any better than that. And one of his descendants is feeling the call of his destiny. I need you to make sure he doesn't..."

"What? What exactly is the fucker going to do without me around to babysit him? Not knock up random women whilst on a vague quest to save the world? Not have to fight giant freaking fish things and dinosaurs and sentient plants and Farore knows what else? If I hear any mention of that stupid Triforce, residue of the gods, I am going to try to destroy it. I don't care if it's impossible, I'm getting on one of those new Goron space capsules and bury it on the fucking MOON if I have to."

"Oh no. I've seen that face before. That's the face where I make a suggestion you agree with."

"To be fair though, Navi... Ganon would NEVER get the Triforce if it's in outer space..."

"No. No fucking way. And you're not sending this kid there either. Don't you get it, Deku? You're old, I'm old... We're the leftovers from generations long ago. Hyrule has CHANGED. It doesn't need magic and spirits any more... It needs steel and fuel and the blood of billions of workers, dying for a great cause. It needs the fires of Hyrule to keep burning, and for everything to keep growing. This very forest is the last place of nature itself, untouched barely by Hylian hands. Look at the damn Temple of Time! It's so ruined that if you sent this new Link in there, he'd be dead before got to that Master Sword. Oh, and by the way, it's not sentient again, is it? Because that was WEIRD. I remember seeing that when I was dead."

"No. The sword is nothing more than metal infused with the essence of the Triforce pieces right now. It cannot come alive once more, except when Hyrule needs it to be."

"Y'see, it's that 'needs it to be' that pisses me off. How many times is a Link going to have to save the world? Ganon pretty much already rules the planet, in case you hadn't noticed... One word from him, and the Gorons will blow up the Zorons, they'll attack the Hylians, and then a bloody world war will happen. AGAIN. Also, what the hell was up with that cult not long after the war?"

"Oh... That Mask People thing? That was an echo from another universe."

"... You mean?"

"Yes. The two universes are seemingly connecting more and more frequently now. It may be that eventually, when their timelines fix themselves, they will be the same."

"Seriously? So..."

"Yes."

"I hadn't even thought of a question, you blasted piece of oak!"

"You know there isn't a single gene of oak in my ancestry, Navi, and remember that I have full memory of you as a female, and all the things you did to try and get a certain adult Hero of Time's attention. Decreasing your magical power, just so he could see your body!"

"Oh come on! He had a manly body at that point! And I was stuck with the git for MONTHS. Of course I would feel horny over him after a bit, anyone would if you're stuck with a member of the opposite sex for a long period of time with no real reason not to enjoy yourself other than the hero bullshit."

"It was INAPPROPRIATE for someone whose role was to be to guide him only."

"Only because you made us fairies too small for us to fuck humans."

"Please stop speaking so vulgarly. You're making my nuts be incapable of growing."

"... You need to spend more time with Hylians, mate. That sentence, full of innuendo."

The Deku tree closed its eyes, and opened them again. They changed colour, from a shadowy dark to a bright yellow.

"Ah. Ganon is unleashing his boar form again. I can feel the magical energy more easily these days, as Hyrule is becoming devoid of magic more and more. Navi... It won't be long before he decides to hunt down children called Link. You must search for him."

"But he'll recognise me! I'm a freaking ball of glowwy magical energy with wings. HE. WILL. REMEMBER. ME. FROM. THE. FIRST. TIME."

"Good point. But... You are a fae... You cannot be anything else... Unless... Are you willing for me to do something... Which I haven't done for a bit?"

"Huh? Like what?" I asked, confused. The Deku Tree had pretty much gotten everything ready for this Link, and everything was going the same as usual.

"Create a Kokiri body."

"But... What about the Kokori?"

"A genetic improvement designed to maintain the forest. You won't become one of them. This body will be yours, for all future incarnations."

"But... There's a catch, right?"

"Of course. By doing this, I implore you to stay with this Link after his destiny is fufilled. If the situation occurs where you could find your way to breed with him, it will mean that the Forest will have control over the next Link."

"You're kidding me. You're using me as a whore to gain control?"

"No. I am merely suggesting that you allow your attraction to the hero's soul to take its course. The next Link, through your genetics, which I'm making now, might just be stronger to destroy Ganondorf of the Gerudo for good."

"I don't want to sex him up. He's the great great great great great... whatever, of my Link! Also... You have noticed I'm a dude, right?"

"Only in body, for both your questions. The current Link has the first Link's soul, embedded in a temporary shell of a soul. It is actually a fairly boring soul, which longs for an escape. If you start the push towards his destiny, Link will allow his full soul to unleash, and maybe even remind him of his past, and how to proceed this time."

"Great. Bet you he'll find the reincarnation of Zelda and give her more kids LONG before this new body can get to him."

"Possibly. But the royal line has long since made the Link reincarnations weak. It would appear that royalty has no place in protecting against Ganon. Perhaps what we need is all the powers and races of our world joined together in one body."

"I'm assuming you're referring to my Link's affair with that fish-princess?"

"Yes. If there were descendants from that, it would be wise to mix their bloodline with this Link or a descendant of him. And eventually, mix some Goron in there too."

"Why not make him fuck one of your nuts too, see what happens? Any children of this Ultimate bloodline you want would be a hideous monster, if it was possible. You're combining magic-enhanced rock with a race of what is kinda like elves, and also a race of fish-people? I can't even imagine it without thinking of rocky tentacle ears."

"Listen, Navi, you're under a geas now. Take this body," he said, with a female body appearing in the air, "and go find Link. He's in the city. Asleep, as before. Don't tell him anything about his past until he's ready for it. You'll know when he's ready."

I felt the body fuse with my soul, and felt my fairy body disintigrate. It hurt, but the new body felt more sensations.

Like cold. A newly formed naked body which has only just started to pump blood is VERY cold.

"DAMN YOU STUPID TREE!"

**Hope you like it. I'm planning to FINISH a story for a change. This one's got a vague outline, which sorta deviates from standard Zelda fare sometimes.**

**I'm sorry about the abundance of swearing, if you worry about that, it's just that I always imagine that a male version of Navi would swear a lot. Especially after being dead for thousands of years, watching the various Links live and die, arguing whether they were any good with the Deku Tree. Also, the Deku Tree's mannerisms have changed somewhat over the generations too. Time changes things. I've tried to keep as up to date with the Zelda universe, but there's so much to keep track of! I've tried to make this as funny as possible whilst still being accurate. I like the idea of history repeating itself, so we may see something we've seen before... Maybe something we've seen in the alternate universe? Like a moon falling on a city? Ganon could cause that I guess... He's bloody powerful enough in this incarnation. Bloody big businesses. They think they can push the little guy around... WELL GUESS WAT, DEY CAN CAN, DOO DO DO DO CAN CAN DOO DO DO DO DO DO DO CAN CAN YES THIS IS THE CAN CAN CAN YOU DANCE ALONG! ... shut up, imaginary undead cat. Go back into your box. BUT SCROTENJER WILL GETS MA CHEEZEBUGGER! ... Stop trying to be a lolcat and let the dude finish his criticism over the state of quantum theory.**

**As with all fanfics, this story blah blah blah copyright of whoever, in this case nintendo, blah blah blah no money made, blah blah blah, read and review, and I'm not typing that ever again, so take it for granted that I'm not selling this story on the back streets of Akihabara or something.  
**


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